


Heaven Is A Place On Earth With You

by anarchy_at12



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear of Death, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Mark of Cain!Dean, Regret, Season 9, Sleepy Cuddles, Stargazing, stolen grace!cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 13:25:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1900584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchy_at12/pseuds/anarchy_at12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean knows he's gonna die, and he knows it's gonna be soon. He decides it's time to say goodbye and make up for lost time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heaven Is A Place On Earth With You

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Video Games by Lana Del Rey

_"Oh, how wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying"_

Dean pulled over, the impala rolling heftily over loose earth before it came to a stop at the side of the road. He clicked off the radio and took in a lungful of air before sighing and looking over at the man in the passenger seat who was looking at him, soft features in the dim light of the moon shadowed by the car roof.

"What is it, Dean?" Cas asked. He knew this was coming. He had been anticipating Dean wanting to talk to him for weeks now. He just didn't know what about.

"Cas. I think I'm going to die." 

Dean stared at the steering wheel, purses lips waiting for a reply. 

"Well, Dean, you're inevitably going to die someday, as all humans-"

"No. I mean I think I'm going to die soon."

Cas was caught off guard by his words once again, and silence grew as Cas searched for what to say. "Are you asking for my protection?" He asked.

"No, that's not what I meant," Dean replied with a sigh. He wished so badly that Cas could read his mind sometimes, so all this talk could be extracted and he could get to the point without having to swallow his pride to open up. 

"You do understand that I would and will protect you at all costs."

"Yeah, I know," Dean sighed. "Can we get out of the car?"

"What for?" Cas asked, but Dean was already stepping out and Cas was already following. They stepped out into the cool midnight air, and as Dean hopped onto the hood and sat against the windshield, Cas couldn't help but to be increasingly concerned and confused as Dean patted the space next to him.

"C'mon, sit with me."

Cas carefully lifted himself upon the car, scooting towards Dean, leaving a mindful five inches between them. Cas noticed Dean looking at him and they met eyes, not knowing what to do until Dean moved his hand and to say, "closer." Cas complied, skooching until their hips touched and Dean shifted to rest his head on Cas' shoulder. Cas knew then. Dean just wanted to be with him.

Castiel relaxed, resting his head against Dean's and putting an arm around his shoulders, firmly securing them together. 

The air was filled with the sound of cicadas, the light rustling of the trees against the wind, and the pair's hot breath blowing scared out of their noses. Dean was a parasite for Cas' body heat and Cas was a happy host. They both wished they could be closer. They wished this could last forever, or at least longer than they knew it would have to.

"I've died a few times already, I don't know why I'm so scared of it," Dean offered to the dead conversation. Dean could hear Cas' heart beat under his skin as his head rose and fell with the angel's breath. 

"I don't think you're afraid of death. I think you're afraid of it hurting. Or being defeated."

"No. Maybe I'm just scared of what comes after."

"For what it's worth Dean, if you go to Hell again, I hope I've given you a glimpse of Heaven on Earth."

Dean closed his eyes and sunk into Cas. Those words were worth the world to him, they were worth the universe. 

"I don't wanna die, Cas," Dean choked out. 

"I know. I don't want you to either," Cas whispered as he held Dean tighter. 

"Can you promise me something, Cas? When I die, promise me you'll redeem Heaven, okay? And when you do, find me there." 

"I'll try my best," Cas replied. It felt so helpless, sitting in the dark together, looking up at the sky together, gazing at an infinite nothing and hoping for a finite anything. Neither of them knew whether or not Dean was going to go to Heaven or Hell, and maybe they didn't want to. Dean's fate was what they'd been running from hand in hand. That was the snake in the bush, the train around the corner. 

"I want you to know," Dean continued, "all those times I told you I needed you or told you that you were family, it was my way of telling you I loved you. I still love you. I'm sorry I was always too afraid to say it. I wish I had."

"I wish I had too," he replied. "I love you too. I will always love you."

Dean let out a small laugh, making Cas shift in confusion. "What? He asked.

"Nothing, it's just that... All this time we've loved each other and we've always been too afraid to show it, and now here we are near the end with all this wasted time. We could've been together all this time yet we were too afraid. We could've been happy."

"That doesn't matter anymore. I'm happy right here, right now with you. I think that's all that matters."

"Yeah, maybe," Dean said, "but you're not dying."

"Yes I am, Dean. They're right. I'm going to burn out."

"If I survive this, we're gonna find your grace before that happens."

"And then we can live happily ever after?" Cas asked hopelessly. 

Dean confirmed, "And then we can live happily ever after."

Cas kissed the top of Dean's head and Dean shit his eyelids, his body ready to succumb to sleep. He needed a break. He wanted a break from all this so bad.

"Dean," Castiel whispered, shaking Dean's shoulder steadily to wake him. Dean hadn't even realized he'd fallen asleep. "Let's get back in the car, I'll drive."

Cas walked Dean to the passenger seat and kissed his cheek before shutting the door and walking around to the driver's side. He started the engine and thought a goodbye to the stars before driving away, wheels aching over pavement like each mile brought them closer to the end, but really, each minute did that. 

When they pulled up to the motel, Cas carried a passed out Dean into the room, placing him gently on the bed clothes and all. Cas shed his own coat and shoes before taking them off the man, Dean mumbling incoherent words as he fluttered in and out of sleep. Cas climbed into bed besides him, letting Dean shuffle over to rest his head on the angel's chest with an arm draped over him. Cas ran his finger's through short ash brown hair and stared at the ceiling, wondering what went wrong. 

Cas whispered an, "I love you," into the stale air before shutting his eyes and allowing himself to rest.


End file.
